I have been married for 25 years. My husband has had an addiction to pornography since before I met him that I did not know about until after we married. He has refused to get rid of his pornography, or stay off of the porn sites online, and it is affecting our children. He also refuses to let me know anything about our finances, and there are so many bills he does not pay and almost every week I have to borrow money from my mother just to buy food. He flat out refuses to change this when I ask. I would love to have a chance for my kids to see normal life, especially our son. I do not want him growing up to think this is the way a man should behave. I have been praying for years, but to no avail... in fact, every year he gets deeper and deeper into the porn, and gets more and more posessive of "his" money. When it divorce allowable?

ksanita Nov 21, 2010 at 4:39 am Flag as inappropriate

We got along very well never fought and we talked out disagreements. My husband wanted to move 3000 miles back east and I did not. He verbally manipulated me by telling me that I never wanted to own a home that would be paid off. That was his reason to me for moving. Years after we moved here after things started going down hill, I heard him tell several people he moved back here because he wanted to hunt, that he loved hunting and that's why we moved . Gosh did that ever hurt my feeling. I can tell you that once we moved back here that every demon in hell can against us in so many different ways. I know it was an attack because I know who my husband will be and power that God will use and move thru him if he ever fully submitts his will and life to God and serving him for the glory of Gods kingdom, He will be an unstopable force for God. The emeny knows this. The enemy also knows how strongly I have always supported my husband, the enemy knows I would back my husband 100 % in his work for God. He knows my heasrt as well and knows how badly I want to be an unstopable force for Gods kingdom. The enemy has attacked us from every direction and for the longest time we held fast. The enemy came and stole my husbands belief and faith in god's people. We have watched so much back stabbing,lying,stealing,cheating and every kind of wrong in the church and by some of the people closest to us. One day my husband told me he had no respect for any man of God he knew(including his best friend & family members on both sides of our families. Also some of the ones the closest were the biggest enemies to our marriage and caused much trouble between my husband and my marriage. I have never been to hurt by deceit in my whole life. He stopped going to church, said he would never step into another church in his life. This totally broke my heart. I begged and pleaded with him for us to go somewhere anywhere even a different denomination of faith. I told him that we needed to go somewhere or we would fall and fail . He would not budge I was so hurt and insecure by this time I didn't have the strength to go ahead and go myself. I am forever deeply ashamed and feel like I fail God in this way. After that happened everything fell apart in our lives. My husband became addicted to drink & drugs. And became a slave to his sexual addictions.

Gizzelle Nov 6, 2010 at 8:47 pm Flag as inappropriate

(I have many things wrong with me physically such as daily pain through out my body, sleep problems, always tired never feeling fully rested or having much energy. I have to fight through it. Short & long term memory loss, I can remember things correctly I just really have to think about it and concentrate super intensely. I forget how to spell 3 letter words there is no spell check here so please forgive me for any misspelt words.) Unless my husband is the best liar and munipulator since the beginning of time next to Satan, He was not like this in the beginning. I know there has been many lies and secrets probably from the start. I never had but one boyfriend before my husband because I was raised to never marry or be joined unequally yoked. I never allowed myself to become attached to anyone, what was the point it would go nowhere because I would never go against this thing that God asks us not to do, because I know it will only begat heartache & misery. I met my husband when my family started a new church when I was 17yrs old. My husband Pablo would always flirt with me and started sitting with me every service(as friends) all the girls hated me because the only decent looking guys there were my husband and his brothers. We both have suffered thru abuse at home and we were both the first born and more was expected of us and basically we missed out on a lot that our sibblings didn't. In the beginning my husband was like my knight who saved me from the evil step parents. I relied on him greatly as well as he relied greatly on me. We got a long well and had a wonderful friendship first. He told me he was falloing in love with me and that scared me because I never had anyone tell me that and I had always felt so unloved as he did. I told him I was flattered but could not say the same at the time that I was confused and didnt understand what I was feeling and didn't want to hurt him, even though neither one of us could stand to be away from each other.

Gizzelle Nov 6, 2010 at 6:37 pm Flag as inappropriate

My heart aches for all my brothers & sisters in christ who sare suffering the same pain as I. I have been with my husband for almost 25 yrs I have loved him with all my heart and given him everything of me. He has cheated on me from what his family has told me the whole time we have been together. I have been verbally, mentally, & physically abused by him. He has several sexual addictions. I feel like my whole marriage has been nothing but a lie. He has tried everything to ruin my character and name. I have been through two mental breakdowns because of his treatment towards me. Every sin he has committed against me & our marriage he has mentally munipulated me into believing it has been all my fault. It's my fault he abuses me, cheats on me, lies on me, has sexual addictions such as porno,strip clubs,strippers,prostitutes,drug addiction,drinking addiction,stealing,abnormal extremly high multiple times per day masterbation problem,drugdealer and on and on.

Gizzelle Nov 6, 2010 at 6:12 pm Flag as inappropriate

Please don't give up. Pray and pray hard. Seek the advice of leadership at your church. I have been divorced once and my husband twice. I am 30 and he is 34. We both came from dysfunctional familes and were both on our way down that same path. It is not easy to learn how to be married. It isn't easy to choose to love someone. Love is not a feeling. We have been together 5 years and already separated once and were on our way to a 2nd final time. He has lied to me, I've taken off on him. We have serious trust issues that we are only overcoming with God. No problem is too big for the Lord. Don't give up, even if the other one seems to have given up. And to the individual who asked why preachers don't preach on divorce. That is because we are supposed to be against what God hates and He hates divorce. I know those are strong words. To say there is no guilt that goes along with a divorce is incorrect for the majority of people. I do believe that God will forgive you because you repent of the sin. When you repent of the sin you resolve to never do that again. So in my marriage now we have both gotten down on our knees and repented of our sins together and agreed to stick to this marriage no matter what. Divorce is not an option. With that being said, God also knows you can't control another person. If they have left and will not come back, they will answer to God for their sins. Do not take this lightly though, make sure to be in counseling with the leaders of your church and that the counseling lines up with the Word not any manmade writings. God knows your heart and will bless you for sacrificing yourself for your spouse. I will be praying for each of you to be on God's path and that His will would be done.

Cassie Oct 18, 2010 at 1:26 am Flag as inappropriate

my wife left me 3 months ago she said i didnt pay enough attention to her but i love my wife she left and fly to flordia she is living with another man cometting adultry i love my wife and what her back could all you brothers and sisters agree with me to get my wife back her name is judith my name is jim i have been a christian for 11 weeks i love the lord and what my marriage back thank you and God bless you all

jimt Oct 7, 2010 at 1:48 pm Flag as inappropriate

Hello, I'm sorta in the same boat as Kerry above. My wife has told me she no longer loves me and that she wants to move on. We have been married 16yrs, and it has been up an down. I have never stopped loving my wife, but sometimes I lack in showing it. I have turned to God like i always do for help, and I pray that his will be done in my life. Please pray for us, I know it is never too late, for God can do anything.

Dave R Oct 4, 2010 at 11:39 am Flag as inappropriate

I have been married almost 23 years. I am saved and my husband is not. When I first became saved I really struggled with trying to be righteous and doing what the bible commands us to, however Satan working through my husband made it almost impossible and unbearable, and eventually I fell away. I rededicated my life to Christ and although my husband is still not saved I have renewed faith, strength, and a deeper love for God. In spite of my chronic health issues, did I also mention my husband is an alcoholic, my inability to find work since 2006 (although I have a bachelor's degree), etc., I know that God is the one that provides me that strength and guidance to get through every day, while he works on the issues in my life. In the meantime, I suggest some awesome books to read to aid you in getting through the trial and tribulations of married life. They are: Stomie Omartian's "Praying Through the Deeper Issues of Marriage" and "The Power of Praying Husband", and The Power of a Praying Wife", and lastly, but not least R.A. Torrey's "How to Pray". The books are great and I know they will change you and your marriages. I pray that you will read these books with vigor, restored belief in making everything anew, applying the biblical principals to your relationships, and benefit from them the way God has intended. God bless all of your relationships...and mine.

adoremee2003 Sep 15, 2010 at 3:58 pm Flag as inappropriate

My husband and I are both in our second marriage and have been married for 2 in a half years. He confessed 4 months ago that he was having an affair. He wouldn't stop so after 4 months I kicked him out. Now, he is living with her. I am suffering so much. His heart is stone cold right now. I have been in constant prayer and will continue but sometimes feels like it's so much for me to handle. During the midst of all this, I got fired from my job. I just couldn't function. I miss my husband dearly and the worst part is that she is a teacher in my kids school. Please pray for me for strength to go through this while I stand in my marriage. Please pray for my husband to humble himself to the LORD and repent. Please pray for him to come back home and for the restoration of my marriage.

1jason1 Sep 13, 2010 at 6:52 am Flag as inappropriate

I dated a guy for a few years. We have not spoken for the last three months. I have moved on and started dating others. However, I still love him and have always felt he was the one. I need God's guidance.

Mrs. Breakthru Sep 8, 2010 at 12:31 pm Flag as inappropriate

im having alot of trouble with my husband, and im worried because we have only been married for 2 years. i have accepted the lord as my god and savior, but my husband has not and when i talk to him about god it seems he gets mad at me. i have a baby and i take him to church with me because i want him to grow up knowing god and accepting god as his savior. i just want my husband to believe and accept jesus, so we can be a strong and christian family. god has a purpose for evryone and i know god wants me to be strong and stand by my husband and hopefully threw me he can come to the lord.

wendy, Aug 10, 2010 at 4:31 am Flag as inappropriate

I'd hope this would work for couples who are also not married. Things have been shaky between my boyfriend and I. I am hoping and praying to find something to help us. I've never had love before and I finally got it with him and I really believe God sent him my way for a reason. I've never been loved before. I grew up with a very hard life and always just wanted to be loved and every night I prayed to God to bring a man in my life to love me the way I deserve and I finally have that and i am very scared that things could get worse and I really don't want that.

Nicole Jul 14, 2010 at 11:45 pm Flag as inappropriate

Hi..somewhat related to the topic above...Any thoughts on why pastors do not often preach on couples that have gone thru a divorce and have moved on to marry other people? How these couple are still being used by God and that there is no "shame" or "guilt"...afteall all, our God is one of new beginnings. Not that I am a suporter of divorce but there are so many out there that have gone thru it and the message always seems to be "save your marriage"...what happens if its too late, what happens if one or both are already remarried and love their new partners...is God not going to accept their new relationships? Your thought are welcomed...

sunnyday May 18, 2010 at 4:12 pm Flag as inappropriate

Kerry,
Find a good CHRISTIAN counselor and beg your wife to go with you. I wish I would of done that before I left my marriage because it is a decision I regret every single day. We went to a secular therapist and it was disastrous so don't go that route. She basically told us to do whatever felt good and that my husband should be able to keep and view all the pornography he wanted. Since we had paid about $225 an hour for this advice, my husband used it to justify his addiction to pornography. Anyway, I now believe any marriage can be saved with the right therapy, Christian commitment and humility. Divorce is so painful and hard on kids. I'll pray for you.

Kristine May 17, 2010 at 10:59 pm Flag as inappropriate

I have been married for 6 1/2 years to a man who up until 3 months ago drank 7 days a week from the time he came home until he went to bed. I for years have been telling him how his drinking has made me feel and the strain it has put on our relationship. When we first were married I was a very faithful follower of Christ. He has luke warm at best. Six months ago I started an affair with a married man. This is something I never ever thought I would do but it felt good to be desired by a member of the opposite sex. My husband found out about it by tapping our telephone . We seperated and he stopped drinking is now on fire for the Lord but it feels fake to me. We have been going to a Christian Counselor and my husband told the counselor that the reaason he drank was because I never loved him enough. This broke my heart becasue I did love him faithfully for the vast majority of our marriage and tried very hard to make it work. I have my part in this I should not have stepped outside the bounds of my marriage and I have a huge amount of quilt for this and feel my husband will never be able to forgive me. I have told him that if we don't have trust we have no bases for a marriage and this makes him mad. Last week from a private number he called all my friends trying to find the man I had an affair with and thinks that this is okay. Please pray that I will have wisdom in all of this as well as my husband. I know God hates divorce but our marriage is so far from being what God wants it to be.
Thanks
Tracy

Tracy May 17, 2010 at 1:43 pm Flag as inappropriate

Kerry,
It sounds like there's a lot of issues that are hidden. If a person does not want to be in a relationship any more or seem to have changed, it is the spouses job to find out how to make that person happy again. Will you take her on a date? Ask her? Just because you got married, it doen't mean everything stops. What is the real cause of her drinking? and what have you done to help her? You promised God " in sickness and in health, til death due you part". Have you given this relationship to God? Do you pray for her, as well as for yourself? You can not change her, neither can she change you.. BUT GOD CAN! If she is not saved, it's up to you to do right before her and God. Right now the enemy would like to see this relationship that you have build together,especially with children to end. This is not God's plan and purpose for your family. Call those things that are not as thought they were. Seek God! Humble youself! Theresa

redrose45 May 3, 2010 at 9:02 pm Flag as inappropriate

Kerry,
This makes me think of a time in my marriage about 12 yrs ago that I had built up so much resentment of the things my husband said and did that I had grown cold. I asked God to show him these things and the strangest thing happened. He turned it around on me, showing me all the things I was saying that was putting negativity in our relationship. Don't know if you are familiar with the Love Dare movie but it was really good at showing reality in marriage and how to turn it around. One thing is, it really isn't too late to turn things around just takes alot of patience and prayer. My husband and I have been married to 30 yrs now. It still isn't perfect but we now have fun with each other and making friends with other couples which didn't happen so much when we were growing cold. I will pray for you and your marriage and wish you God's speed and perserverence to see this through. Rita

Rita Estes May 3, 2010 at 3:35 pm Flag as inappropriate

I don't know how to get my wife, very soon to be an ex-wife to see what she is doing and the effect on our and her kids. It seems that she has been unhappy for years and her friends and internet has lead her to beleave that she would be better off without any of us. She drank for years and that seemed to change her, once she stopped drinking she has no love for anyone (here) but others have moved into her life and she can not see the that things seem beter now but can not see for tomorrow. Just don't know which way to turn :(

Kerry

Kerry May 3, 2010 at 12:02 pm Flag as inappropriate