after 3 years of struggling we never allowed anyone to knocked us both..we still managed to fight for the relationship..in sickness and in health in hunger, in faith we never leaved each other..

life aint easy..we never loose our hopes and faith..

but after the decision that changed our life..and that is to go back to o ur parents since iam always sick..everything changed...at first were stil hopefull we kept on telling to ourselves that we can surpassed it.its like a romeo and juliet thing, the oly difference is that iam not rich..while he came from a different family, w/o his parents guidance..i could still recall how silent he was when i first saw him..and i now he learned a lot from me, he became moe sensitive towards others become passionate towards others disposition too..

     november 2 2009, after being hospitalized for several occasiions we were both empty handed so we agreed that i need to go back to my mom and he needs t do the same too..starting from there things become different, no more good mornings, the face the i always see before and after the sun sets aint visible...the last time that we saw each other that was dec we were both crying, i escaped from my mom thats why we were able tos pend the night together...we talked about a lot of things regarding our plans...the hardships that we had for the past 3 years but still managed to smile....i know whnever i tel him that i dnt want to be married i know he know that its just a lie..

        a couple of months passed he sometimes sneaks to use the net so that we could still talk, thou his siters usually gets mad at him, then the last time they even set up a password so that he wont be able to use it..its hard....its like "why are they so cruel, why cant they understand" but i kept silent i dont want to add his burden, thelast time we talked he told me that when i was on the bus (the last time that we saw each other) he almost wanted to stopped me from going home, yeah i remember i saw him on the window he was staring at me from the outside of the bus, honestly i almost wanted to cry but instead i just smiled at him. if i could only tell him that upon seeing him and knowing that we might wont be able to see each other again, my heart almost wanted to burst as if i cant breathe, but nope i just smiled at him....then during our conversation he told me that he wants to marry  me that theres nothing more that he wanted, since its just a chat on the net and im avoidig myself to cry i just jested him that "ohhh really" then typed the big LOL then he told me that hes serious for 3 years of living together he had no regrets, during that time i was crying i know he knows that iam crying thou he cant see me, to boosts out faith and not to be too sad i told him DONT WORRY THINGS WILL BE ALLRIGHT..after that  he told me he's sister is already there he cant chat anymore

                       i havent heard any news from him..everynight im always waiting...the momen i wake up till 7am iam awake just to wait for him..i asked his cousins on net but they all told me WE HAVENT SEEN HIM..now im beginning to become paranoid..and as for my mom she had no idea how much im hurting i tried to talk with her a couple of times but she really  told me that she will never accept him...my takashi never cheayed on me i always know that...but im really scared that we might not be able to seee each other again..sometimes i almost want to sneak on my moms wallet and steal, coz i really want to see him ..but i cant do it since mom is single mom (papa has another family) and shes unemployed too i have a 7 yr old sis and i cant take to steal...but what i must i do mom doesnt even allow me to go outside..iam allready 27....and even if i can go outside i cant afford to travel since iam not allowed to have money...

               every night i always cry, its like im useless,i dont knw whats happening..its like im just living bi\ut not existing...sometimes i wanted to hang myself so that they could understand.....