September 30, 2010 by adam   Comments (6)

its getting harder every day for me and pain is growing in my heart, just want to numb the pain some how, feel alone, rejected and my self esteem getting lower. I battle thes feelings every day staying in faith and hoping I dont break, then i look at the kids some days i just break down crying when i get alone or go into my room and shut the door. Longing for just a phone call from you, hoping for an encouraging word just a sliver of hope to keep me standing another day.I go to church night after night in prayer for the one I love standing with others praying in the circle with quiet desperation in my heart. faith I have faith and hope. I look to the word of God, I look to christian tv listening for a word from God. I take a scripture and stand on it, confessing it. Yet i dont know whats happening with you, I cant see you, not much communication. But I believe with God all things are possible I dont have to see, just believe, not in man, not in circumstances, not in feelings But in Gods word and our savior Jesus. so ill praise through the pain, ill get on my knees and put my hands in the air. ill cry and hurt for the one I love on the floor of my room and yet ill thank the lord for you, ill pray for you, ill stand for you when the enemy shouts at me to quit, she dont love you, your a fool, you dont need her. DEVIL YOUR A LIAR AND A DECEIVER AND I REBUKE YOU. I AM MORE THAN A CONQUER, GREATER IS HE WHO IS IN ME THEN HE WHO IS IN THE WORLD. I do need her, she does love me, she is the mother of my children, my wife, lover and friend. The two shall become one flesh, she is part of me and I part of her. I LOVE YOU  so i will keep pressing on, i will keep praying, i will keep standing, i will keep crying and not let my heart get hardened, ill keep breaking and let the lord put me back together and some day he will put us back together. I cant go by my feelings because they change everyday and are driven by circumstance or external things even what we eat and drink, so ill go by the word of God which never changes. Love conquers all and covers a multitude of sins.I love you Glenda, there is no one else like you.