It's not easy being a follower. I've learnt a lot in the last few months, I've gone through a storm and am only now wiping the dust from my eyes. But I doesn't end here, does it? The dust is deep- my eyes are full of the dust of my struggle. It stings. 

I find myself everyday with new challenges. God said He will bring rest, how far from rest am I Lord? I know I will be forever learning, so when can I be finished in my purification of the fire. The fire has touch my life and I feel the heat of it. But I wrestle trying to understand how my heart has truly changed. Oh Lord I seek you, I want to know you, and I want to show you in ALL circumstances.

I feel like I have slipped from the... heavenly touch I have felt the last few months. I have fought anger again and malice. AGAIN I am learning to trust, and show mercy, and controll my anger. I just want to be like Jesus, but I am not Jesus. I am drawn to my unworthyness to even stand in God's presence. I imagine myself crawling on my kneese to the throne- I dont' even want to stand up lest I see His face looking upon me, my wretchedness. Who am I to ask for anything from Him? I was reading Psalms the other day. Psalms 13- yes Lord I feel like your face is hidden, but I TRUST you. Psalms 18- yes Lord, I feel as if the cords of death strangle me- and my cry came to Him. The Lord is there, even when I don't feel it. I wrestle with my humanity.

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me from the deep waters... He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me" Psalms 18:16, 19. But FIRST ~in Psalms 14~ "The LORD looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, and who seek God. They have all turned aside, they have together become corrupt; then is not one who does good, not even one" 14:2-3.

He looks up on our failure~But THEN the Lord comes to rescue you. What kind unfailing love is that? Because AFTER our sin he delights in us. It says to me we will forever be in distress, forever sinful, but God truly delights in those to take refuge in Him. Only to take refuge... Praise God, thank-you my Lord, my king.

God is the same today as he was then. Tomorrow He will be too. Oh Lord in my distress, in the choke hold of this world, come down and take me to a place of rest. I call on you, O God, for you WILL answer me. Give ear to me and hear my prayer. Show the wonder of your love. (Psalms 17:6) Wonderous God! I feel unworthy to ask for anything, but our God TOLD us to ask. !!

Oh father, I am so thankful today. My heart sings your praise. All I can ask today is to stand in your presence, to stand up and turn my face to you in awesome absolution that you want me with you, you want me to know you. My Spirit is overwhelmed.

Succumb to the Spirit today- feel your unearned delight. Feed teh Spirit. Feel the thrill?