Praise Report! All my provisions are in! finally! Just like I thought He would, God came through. I could trust it was coming, because it was.

My work is not done, but this means I can go ahead knowing the next few months, and two semesters, are taken care of. Loans, child care, school and all. Thank-you Lord. Maybe even a few extras that are on my needed list.

Our God is good, and He is faithful- always. Stay in the will of God.

My next battle is coming upon me on tuesday, I pray for God's hand to be in the situation. That my children will always be safe and protected, whatever the outcome.

Praise the Lord, again and again.

I've had prayers answered this last week, and some that are yet to come. I'm stepping off the edge into Faith. I'm starting a long journey with provisions pending... Have nothing to take with me but endurance, hope that I am in the will of God, and a heart to seek Him. It reminds me of the Apostles who were sent with nothing but the clothes on thier backs. I cannot hope to compare to the character of the Apostles, but the journey I can relate to.

 

I had a picture painted for me the other day. A father was standing waist deep in a pool, urging his daughter to jump. This father was certain he could catch her. His encouragement turned to frustration in her unbelief, or fear, in her father's ability to safely catch her. I think this is how God feels sometimes when we won’t jump of the edge, but try to solve our problems another way, our way- without Faith in Him. Sometimes we turn back from the storm. This only means we will face it again, and again; until we get through the storm where we meet God. If you have come this far, journeyed to the edge, what's a little more trust? When the journey is a rough road, you can turn around and detour away from God and the giant He has put before you. Or you can step up, take Him up on His word and swing the stone.

 

I had a conversation with the Lord last night. I have a giant before me. I told Him how weak I feel, how I am so small to solve my problem. I am setting my feet in the territory of the one I fight. I cry for wisdom to seek the will of God, not my own. I am combating enemy devises of confusion and doubt. God help me, you need to do something, come intervene! Come fight my battle. You know what He told me? : do you think David didn't feel small before the giant he took down. Pick up your stone and swing, I AM God. He said; don't give up this fight- face your battle- do not run from it.

 

I cried a little, with the intimidation of the thought of facing this battle. Even though you fear, Trust is found in the Lord. 

 

So here I am, stepping out in Faith and preparing my armour to swing a stone before a giant; hoping to hit right between the eyes- not by my own aim, but by the direction of God. Sometimes we need a reminder that God will catch us. He is the loving Father who will not let us fall. He is the God of justice, provision, and sovereignty. Faith is in the unseen pleases God. Sometimes God lets us fight our own battles (even though he will give us the provisions); to test you. My battle is partly consequence, but ym endurance is the test. We prove to God, and ourselves- by our actions how much we can handle from Him. God will not tempt you, but He's sure knows how to test Faith.

 

Crawl to the edge if you have to. And Jump. Step out and face your giant. Then swing. God’s power will be with you.

I was tested yesterday, and I think I passed. Praise the Lord.

God has been dealing with me. He is teaching me trust, patience, and perseverance. I have been waiting for some time for my finances and direction to all come together. I feel almost overwhelmed with the forms and applications I have been adressing. I have been waiting through long MONTHS of uncetainty. I have have been through trials that have hurt, and places I never wanted to go- but in obedience stepped into. The travel time, and money, and heartache it has taken to accomplish the steps assigned to me, should have withered my resolve.

I received a letter yesterday stating I have been turned down for student loans due to arrears- arrears I had already spent time, energy, and money to have dealt with- a month ago. It should have worked out for me this week. I should have seen God's will come to pass. This is why I believe it was a test. All this effort only to be sent back two steps. The question was; do I really trust in my Father.

When I opened the letter- I did not let my heart falter, (well, maybe for only a moment of frusteration) But then I immediately set myself into action to resolve the misunderstanding. I spent the day waiting for answers. I could have spent the day feeling worried and downtrodden. Instead I set my mind to trust in the Lord. There are anwsers I still wait on before I can surg forward in my studies. There are things I still don't know the answer to. Big things that effect my family's livelyhood. But my God is good, yesterday today and tomorrow. My God is the provider of manna in the desert. He is the one I have given my will to.

 

Just watch- Praise report to come very soon. I trust you oh Lord, build your will in my life. Have your way with me. Amen, precious Father.

If only I knew

And I had His hind sight to see

Maybe I could rest

And have God leave me be 

 

Instead I endure

This lonely road ahead

Knowing only this:

That I’m really being led

 

One foot step

In front of the other

I only hope

That by my side is another

 

I walk in the direction

He has set for me to see

Breaking chains which holds me back

And lighting darkness that blinds me

 

If only I knew

What God had in store

Maybe I wouldn’t ache so

Always wanting more

 

I ache to see

What is on the rise

I yearn to gain

My holy prize

 

The love of my Father

Will be with me I know

My mountain I climb

Where He goes I will go

 

Praise be the day

When I’m high enough to see

Over top the mountain peak

And view sunrise He wanted to show me.

What is a word

When your heart's not right?

What is forgiveness

When you still stand to fight?

 

What is joy

When it comes and goes?

What is love

When it fails to grow?

 

What is desire

Without God's will interceded?

What is the Spirit

When you cease to feed it?

 

Why does faith falter

When your mountain wont move?

How can righteousness, by faith

Endure if you can't stand to lose?

 

How can we stand

In the glory of God

When we don't step out

And pick up our rod?

 

How can our lives change

When we remain unfulfilled?

How can we be sure

What we seek is God's will?

 

It is written

In plain red and white

If you love one another

You are doing what is right.

 

Love with the uplifted strength

Of hope and God's glory

Stand strong until

The end of His story

 

Be a willing participant

In what God wants for you

Have Faith He can create in you

Something brand new.

Sleep escapes me tonight. The battle within me rages on. I fight temptation in my dreams. I dont feel like I sleep a sounds slumber these days.

I can't help but meditate on the Lord countless minutes of the day. So much is changing within me that I feel restless to complete my journey. His church is changing and I feel that I will be a part of that. I realise how much others fail to see the whole truth, and live with only a piece of God's glory in thier lives. Most people don't even seem to realise what they are missing- it disturbes me.

 

God has given me a responsibility to share the word of God. I feel the weight of it. I can sense the Spirit leading me. It's not easy to speak openly with others about God while still alowing the Spirit to direct your words. I try hard to say the right words. To listen to the wisdom from my Spirit. I do not have the knack Jesus did for divine wisdom and right answers. But I fear losing the chance to say anything to those who come into my path- if only to show that I believe and wait for another time to speak Truth. Daily now I am given opportunities to speak. And daily I am given chances to be silent and only show what life looks like when we walk with the Lord. Facing such doubt and argument about the goodness, and existance, of God becomes exhausting. Trying to do the right and holy thing in everything is hard.

 

I meet someone, and even when I don't feel like I have the words or wisdom- I am directed to speak. Even when I'm tired of talking I know something needs to be said. Even when I feel like being angry and resentful, or self-serving or boastful- I know I need to show the Truth in the perfect way through my actions and lifestyle. It reminds me of the chapter in John 4 when Jesus speaks to the Samaritan woman. Then His deciples return with food and offer that He eats. I bet He was hungry- He had asked for water at the side of the well and I bet He had been travelling for some time. He declines the food saying that there is work to be done as the people of the town flock to see the messiah. How weary our Lord must have been. He put away His own needs for the work of God.

 

I take that same weariness upon myself. I am in training, and it's a burden at times. At other time I am exuberant in the opportunities to see the awe in the eyes of others. The awe that I can direct towards God and His glory. The feeling of accomplishing God's work drives me on. It can be exciting to see other begin to crave life with Christ. At other times I can only just bear with the necessity to tell others of my King.

 

Tonight, I pray for a sound sleep if; it is what I crave. The battle within me is not yet won, but I know I am on the right track. I can feel the change, and experience the change. I can move forward and closer to God in every move I make. My body is tired but my Spirit lacks nothing.

 

With Love, always.

 

Praise God.  

I had a decision to make this week-a tough one. I could see the 'right' in both decisions. My Spirit has been unsettled and I have been reminded I am in error of dissention- (public argument- namely for me through the court system) - which is against the fruit of the Spirit. Namely going through with assult charges that I didn't seek originally but I had an opportunity to drop. I've been struggling with finding out 'what is holy'. But even when seeking holiness I struggled with trying to create my own security. Your choices should be based on what is holy- the wisdom will be provided to understand.

I was reminded today that what has been freely given you must give freely. 1 Cor 2:12. Your Spirit will help you with that discernment. It is up to God to bring justice- and it is up to you to give forgiveness and grace to those who have hurt you. HIS will be done. Your choice must reflect submission to HIS will and His Sovereignty to rule. I do not have the right to seek justice because I am not free of judgement. Only God can provide holy justice.  

In the end, I did not recieve justice, so far as I can see- but the Lords hand is upon my affairs. God will have justic on those He has justic. He will have mercy on those He has mercy. It is my duty and desire to live like Jesus- and show mercy. I cannot cast the first stone.

My Spirit has settled- and now I look to my next struggle in my effort to live liek Jesus did.

What will worry do?

 

Will it make God greater and more capable of solving problems?

 

Will it break the fear in your heart?

 

Will it ease the suffering of your soul?

 

What will worrying provide you with?

Comefort?

A trusting heart?

 

What will trust in the Lord give you?

Joy? Peace? A walk near the still waters?

Will it?

 

Oh, my friends, the promise is true. I had to wonder for a few days about the still waters. To be still. Usually 'still' waters are considered to be unmoving waters. The flow has ceased- algae become abundant- frogs start to inhabit the waters. They water begins to stink from the lack of movement? I don't think God asking us to be unmoving.

To be still. I believe the waters our God talks about are not truly still- they are calm and slow-flowing. But they do flow in one direction, the same direction God has set them in. Trust in the direction of the flow. It will lead you down your mountain into the valley of promise. Know that if you move slowly you are not failing- you are growing. You are learning to allow the Lord to lead you. He controls the pace when you aren't running ahead and losing your way. When you chose to give up the struggle in the rough waters- when you lay back and give up the fight, God will flow you into His waters- the calm waters that He promised. 

I had an experience last night and it is still raw in my heart. I am learning to be still. I am very tentative in speaking in tongues unless I have already begun speaking to God in my words. I need to feel that connection first -as words can so easily be used by the enemy, and I feel I have not perfected the source of tongues yet. However, your Spirit will let you know when what you are speaking is dangerous- so last night I continued.

I have been struggling for a couple months with this ache in my heart- but I cannot cry for the life of me. I CANNOT weep the release I desire- I cannot feel the burnt pain I should be feeling. It remains in me a weight, a heaviness of the heart.

Last night I sat on my knees and prayed, and prayed in tongues. My Spirit was telling me to keep going, so I did. My body was fighting me- I physically wanted to get up (this is how the enemy rolls). But I sat there- with my hands toward the sky- speaking words I did not understand. To my surprise as I was speaking, the pain I wanted to feel welled up inside of me- and I gave it to God. My heart wrenched and purged like I was aching for it to do- then it was God's. The tears I was craving came in the midst of my lack of understanding. I had no idea what i was saying.

 But I did not weep- I was not in anguish- but God allowed me to feel the pain and rejection. He gave me this timing and this moment that I could not explain- to show me His Sovereignty.  

Each new day with the Lord He will use to change you. Have patience to go through the process- as HE is ever patient with you.

The Lord's provisions are upon me. I am in the worst case scenerio I had imagined through all this... Literally! - AND I am at peace. Praise the Lord.

His goodness doesn't end for me. I am given the chance to grow up and grow closer. I think I would be justifed to despair. I have earned some tears of shame and frusteration. But they will not come. The peace and hope I feel is a greater experience than these hard times of life. I only pray I can make the right decisions... to do what is Holy.

Even in the midst of potential pain and suffering I am given chances to speak about God's love. My struggle continues to be a testament to the joy you can have in Jesus. There's nothing like that feeling. When you speak to someone with their doubts about God- when you would be justified to cry and beg for the suffering to end- and instead you are praising and boasting about the goodness of your God. God spoke through me today. I could not speak about Him as I might speak to you- unbeliever would not understand in that kind of depth. But I could speak the language of love, provision, and greatness of our God. Praise the Lord. It is the peace and strength of God that is driving me. It His goodness that I will never deny.

Thank-you Lord. I will boast in you, and be continually strengthed. Hope and trust is not easy. It is hard. Especially when what you have built falls apart in your hands. That's just it... it is what YOU have built that will crumble. When your way has been torn down, the Lord will build it according to His standards- Jesus is the ultimate carpenter who's work will never crumble.

 

Find a unjustified reason to boast in the Lord- and open your heart to the Spirit's work within you.

I should have stayed in bed today

Today of all days

Then maybe temptation wouldn't find me

And entice me to the grave

 

I should have stayed in bed today

So then I wouldn't have to fight the good fight

I should have burried my head beneath my sanctuary

Instead of defying the power of God's might

 

I should have stayed right where I woke today

If I hadn't gotten up I might never have strayed

I might never have broken another promise

I could have stayed in bed and prayed

 

Instead I woke out of bed today

Intent on singing the praises in my heart

I woke with the endurance of the Lord

To make sure I do my part

 

Because I woke out of bed today

God gave me the chance to speak His awsome name

I spoke to those who were lost

And to those who fellowshiped the same

 

I woke this morning and out of my bed I crawled

In my pocket were some seeds to sow

With the love I have for my Saviour

I spoke the truth I yearn for others to know

 

 

Because I woke out of bed this morning

God blessed my day

When I wake again tomorrow

Lord, can You bless me in the same way?